Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
