I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
