Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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