i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's official drugs can't kill me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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