It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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