i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
