you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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