i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
