Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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