I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
