Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
