Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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