i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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