he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
