just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
