I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I AM VODKA MAN
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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