tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
