3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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