does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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