it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
