Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
