her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
