you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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