In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
