Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
