I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish you could order shots online.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
