I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
