My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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