Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
