Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
