I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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