I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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