I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
