i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
