I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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