my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
