The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
