I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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