im drinking this country out of the recession.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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