Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
