Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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