Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You're like the curious george of whores
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
