Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
