so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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