I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
