In the future we'll all be gay
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
