I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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