I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
