i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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