He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
