Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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