uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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