Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
