Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
