he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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