Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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