I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
this is an emotional support booty call
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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