update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Did I show you my penis last night?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
