how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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