lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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