so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
