what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize