just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Terrible idea I love it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
