Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
