all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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