he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
