K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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