What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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