Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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