just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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