Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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