I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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