i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
