She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize