pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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