Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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