oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
